Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
A Place to Call Home.
I am making my home in Savannah, GA.
Years ago (over 15 yrs!) I spent the evening walking along the riverfront of Savannah with my sons, Ryan and Austin, my niece, Ashley and my sister and mother.
Life has many twists and turns; one doesn’t know what will happen next. It seems like some people have their life planned perfectly and it actually works out.
I have never been a “planner”, but I always thought my sons would be a constant in my life. It has been three years, yet I still wait for Austin’s phone call. I can still hear him say, “Hey, Mom, what’s up?” “Think you could bring me lunch to the office? It’s a busy day and I can’t get away from my desk.”
So now I am in Savannah. A place with only good memories. A place to call home.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
An email to dfc
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Three years ago today I lost you.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
high school reunion
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I Visited My Sweet Austin’s Grave.
I visited Austin’s grave. The morning was cold and rainy, I drove with the heater and windshield wipers on, fresh flowers for Austin laying on the car seat. As I pulled through the cemetery’s gates, the rain ceased, the sun came out...
As I wiped the dust off the polished black granite I noticed movement nearby. I turned my head and waited. Up came a little chipmunk! He stared at me then down he went. A few seconds later, he rose up again. Down again. Up again. He kept doing it, as if he was playing a game. Austin loved chipmunks. A week or two before he died, I was sitting on his apartment step, talking to a little chipmunk. The chipmunk was playing within a foot of me and it entranced Austin. Austin was on my cell phone talking to a friend and telling the person about the chipmunk that was making friends with his Mom.
I visited my wonderful son, Ryan in Ohio last week
Ryan is struggling with work-related lower back pain. The company he works for (family owned!) does not provide health insurance to him and unbelievably, they are denying workman's’ compensation. Their reasoning? It would make their business insurance go up. All of Ryan’s money is going to pay for medical expenses. I flew to Ohio to “mother” him. He wasn’t able to do anything too active, the constant pain is limiting his activities and causing depression. We spent the time sitting in his living room and watching movies.
His apartment was spotlessly clean and tidy, his sweet little dog, freshly shampooed. Ryan had rescued this dog from an abandoned van, out in the country by an ATV trail. Ryan inquired about the homeless dog at the closest house and was told that the owner had moved to an apartment in Columbus and wasn’t allowed pets. So they left the dog in the woods with a bag of dog food in September. Ryan found this pitiful little dog in November. Ford, as Ryan calls him, was starving, frightened; his fur was dirty and matted covering a bony frame.
Ford is now plump and healthy with bright, shiny eyes. He looks like a larger(12 lb.?), long haired Chihuahua He welcomes being petted now. Ryan said that initially, when you started to pet his head, Ford would hunch down, as if anticipating a beating. Ford has never had an accident in the house, does not get up on furniture and has never chewed on furniture, shoes or caused any mess. He goes outside in an unfenced yard and does not wander off. Ryan can walk around town with Ford, unleashed, and he stays alert at his feet.
I wanted to give Ryan some money, but I first had to ask him if he was taking any drugs. After all I had been through with Austin, I didn't want to give money to Ryan if he was going to use it for drug money. He wasn't offended. He said, "Mom, I couldn't do that to you. I am not taking drugs." I believe him. I gave him the money.
I can talk to Ryan about Austin. Ryan misses and mourns Austin as much as I do. I know that it is a brothers love, not a mothers love, but it is immense, never the less. Ryan keeps a framed 8X10 photo of Austin in his bedroom. The ashtrays in Ryan's apt. are pottery that Austin made in high school, his name carved on the bottom. Austin didn’t leave Ryan and Ryan keeps him close by. They are two brothers that have found a way to always support each other, in ways that is beyond comprehension to most.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Politics
Friday, April 11, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Austin's Birthday
Thursday, March 13, 2008
New Jersey
I have returned to New Jersey, an overpopulated state of negative energy and bad memories.
Why do I dislike NJ… beside the obvious reasons?
I have lived here for 9 years, yet I don’t consider this home. I have no sense of belonging to a community feeling here.
It is the only place where people have been less than nice to me.
It is so crowded that you don’t really know when you left one town and entered another.
People snarl, “Have a good one.” (What does a “good one” mean?
You can’t make left turns, where you really need to make a left turn!
I like religious diversity, but when did Santa Claus become a religion and why are agnostics practicing it?
The “ghetto” way of putting the accent on the last syllable of words ending in on, en or an is really getting on my nerves. Trent-IN, Camd-IN, Man-hat-IN
I miss clear, starry nights.
The crime, homicides and availability/use of drugs and alcohol are unbelievably high.
People think that they are “safe” because the homicides are “mostly in Camden and parts of Philadelphia”. Less than 20 miles away! Wake up! We are living on the outskirts of the worst areas in the US, for God’s sake!
People tend to have opinionated, closed-minded attitudes.
Women have loud, abrasive voices.
Okay……the above listed are somewhat petty annoyances, but I gotta get out of NJ. For real.
I truly dislike NJ. My son died here. People were mean to him. People that really should have been nice and supportive like FAMILY but they were greedy and selfish. Typical New Jersey.
I can't live here much longer......
