Monday, April 27, 2009

I have two sons.

Socially, I have progressed in my life long journey of grief.

In the beginning, anyone that happened to say hello, ask if they could help me at a cosmetic counter, complete strangers, I would end up, literally sobbing on their shoulders telling them my son was gone!

As time went by I started introducing myself to people as if I were at an AA meeting. “Hi, I’m Lesli and my son, Austin, died.”

Then for a while I would say in the first few minutes of introduction, “I have two sons, my oldest, Ryan and my youngest, Austin, who died.

Now, I simply say, “I have two sons.”
I am asked their names. “Ryan and Austin.”
How old are they?, I am asked. “Ryan is 31, Austin would be 27, he died 3 yrs ago at age 24.” I wipe a single tear from my cheek.

I have learned to cry alone. I can walk the beach with my face wet with my tears mixed with the salty spray from the waves. The crashing of the waves and the shrieks of the gulls mask my pain filled sobs.

I have two sons.