Three years ago today I lost you.

It is so difficult to get the through the weeks before the 16th....and then the weeks after.  Today I am going to attach little notes to orange and blue balloons and let them go up from our boat off  the barrier islands of Georgia.  The notes...are my apologies of guilt that I need to let go of.  

I am sorry I didn't have time to take you to the movies to see "Dukes of Hazard". 

I am sorry I was in California when you died in NJ.

I am sorry I sent you to that pre-school.

I am sorry Everts Middle School had mean kids.

I am sorry that I taught you to be too sweet and caring.  It made life harder for you.

I am sorry I didn't understand addiction and I didn't know how to help you.

I am sorry for trying "tough love".

I am sorry I told you to "grow up" and live on your own.

I am sorry I didn't hug you and kiss you more.

I am sorry I didn't tell you I loved you more.

I am sorry I didn't tell you how proud I was of you more.

I am sorry we didn't go to Red Cross classes and get sent to New Orleans.  Thank you for wanting to go and protect me.

I am sorry that I wanted you to look for a roommate before moving back with me.

I am sorry I didn't know you died until the next day.

I am just so sorry.................

The balloons are navy blue and orange, with white ribbons.  That is what you asked.  I assume it is because that is colors of the Denver Broncos.  You liked that team and wore the jersey I gave you.

 Remember when you were little and you would say, "I love you all the way to Mexico!"  Mexico seemed like the absolute farthest place to you!  

Well, Austin, I love you all the way to Mexico!