Monday, October 01, 2007

I know, I can't reason with the drugs.

I know, I can't reason with the drugs. I felt hopeless with Austin and I am afraid he felt hopeless, also. But, geez, those drugs are so powerful, they take over the mind, the body, the soul and they don't let go until all the ambition, hopes and dreams are gone, and the life is sucked out. I don't think I could cope with dealing with the lying and excuses and begging for money again. Even though I understand that "it's the addiction", it is still maddening and frustrating, beyond belief.

Boy, I wish drug addicts were rational....I would do anything to have Austin back, the son that he was without the drugs. But it would be wrong of me to want him to live his life in that hell of addiction that led to his death. And, honestly, it was hell for me, too. To see my baby boy being tortured by drugs, to wonder every night where he was, to worry that every time the phone rang that he may be in jail, hurt, or finally, the unthinkable...

I know, without a doubt, that Austin is set free now. He is happy and joyful. He shows me his presence when I need him most. Right or wrong, that is the reality I choose to believe, thank you very much.

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