Friday, March 16, 2007

My "Angel" Cameo

In my horrific grieving, I have been reaching "outside the box". There has been so many unexplainable things that have occurred.

I asked my MD for a grief counselor and she referred me to a Dr. ****. I didn't go to the session with any expectations of even talking about "signs" and "afterlife", after I spoke to her about Austin and how close we were, she brought it up about him still being with me and how there were really mediums that could speak to people whom have crossed over. And she said there were fake ones out there, also!

Last weekend I went to a medium and I got a sense of relief...(after an hour of crying). Well, I learned that Austin and I are "old souls" that have been together in other lives. That he chose me to be his mother, that he knew he wasn't going to live a long life (I know that to be true, he used to tell me that when he was 5, when he drew a self portrait as an angel), that he went when he did because we all have "missions" in life and he could serve better from the other side.

Also…When Austin was young, I bought an antique cameo of a cherub, it looked just like Austin. I put it on a chain and wore it. Austin looked up at me and said, “Don’t wear that,Mommy. I am not an angel yet.”

Austin said that he is going to use "tough love" on me and insist that I quit feeling guilty. He knows that I love him. He said that my purpose on this earth is to help other mothers.

There were several things that were said in the session that "made sense". One of the first things she said to me was that I "had the light". This is something that I have known but been avoiding all my life. I have had undeniable "experiences" and seen and known things and I knew Austin did, too. I am medicated with ADD meds but the problem may be in part to my not being able to filter all the....I'm not sure how to explain it. Right now I am in a quiet house, alone, looking over a tidal sound. But ever so often, I hear footsteps, the whistling of a tune, and I smell a whiff of very sweet perfume (not mine!). The other night I kept waking up from the smell of this perfume!

Austin and I used to look up at the sky and try to visualize us on earth, and then expand to The Milky Way, then other universes, and on to infinity. It hurt our brains. That is how I feel now. Living 51 years of thinking that what I see in front of me, "known" reality is just a small part of life.

We all have the choice to listen to society (mainly people that have never lost a child) and believe that our kids are gone or to believe they are still with us. I believe that Austin is still with me. Remember the phrase..."The more we know, the more we know we don't know."? There is SO MUCH we don't know.

So now I am studying Quantum Physics, the String Theory, etc… and it makes perfect sense!

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