Friday, October 13, 2006

Bye, Austin, I love you.

The Loss of a Son to Oxycontin

I have so many emotions.... guilt from my ignorance of drug addiction, not knowing how to help him, demanding that he "just grow up", it was all useless in fixing the real problem. He once said, "Mom, I know you are trying to help me, but you are going about it the wrong way." Unfortunately, he never told me how to help him.

Last summer, he was given a leave of absence from his job "dispatcher for a trucking company" (he was so good at his job!). I took advantage of him being in his apartment during the day and I visited him several times a day. I took away his car (so he couldn't go into Philly for drugs), gave him a bicycle, a phone card, (took away his cell phone, so he couldn't call drug dealers), took away all his cash (I paid his bills, so he couldn't buy drugs), I took him out to lunch every day and took him to the grocery store, so he would not be hungry. And every day, I sat with him and told him everything I wanted him to happy I was when he was born, what a sweet child he was growing up...little excerpts from his life.

I would put my fist on my heart and say, with sadness " You are my heart." Then I would walk down the hall to his front door and say, " Bye, Austin, I love you." and he would say, "Bye, Mom, me, too."

His girlfriend, had a really bad drug problem, Austin actually entered the relationship thinking he could get her clean, but , in fact, she turned him into an addict, She would "date" guys for money and drugs for Austin and her. She procured the Oxycoton that killed my baby. She left him to die alone on a Thursday night.

Austin Nicholas Barthen
Feb.26, 1981 - Sep. 16, 2005

No comments: