Friday, October 13, 2006

"You are my heart."

The Loss of a Son to Oxycontin

I talked to Austin daily last summer, he was told to leave his job and not come back until he got his life in order. The drug use was affecting his performance on the job.

Everyday, I was with him, talking, buying him food and telling him "You are my heart". He said he was going to be OK and by the time he was 30 he would pay me back all the money I spent on fines, bills, etc...$30,000 worth of keeping him out of trouble, in a safe place and fed. It was all the money I had. I would just look at him and sadly smile. I hope he didn't see the hopelessness in my face. I felt like my son was slowly dying and there was nothing I could do about it. He refused to believe that drugs were a real problem and could lead to his death.

In death, Austin has reached out to Ryan and watched over him. Ryan has transformed into an amazing man. Ryan tells me that he will not put me through again what I went through with Austin. I love my boys.


Mari Beyer said...

Hi Lesli, We went through so much of the same struggles and pain with our sons as addicts. Chuckie struggled with addiction for 8 years. I was ignorant for 2 of the years. It is hard to think that one that you love and trust would use drugs. I hate them. I, like you, wish there was something we could do about the widespread prevalence of drugs in NJ. Roxbury is rampant with them.
I identify also with the phrase, "You are my heart". Chuckie said that to me. How do we keep living without our precious sons? It is so hard, and only another mother can know the pain. God bless you, my friend. Mari

Lesli...Austin's Mom said...

Dear Mari,
I live in the area of Cherry Hill, NJ, just a few miles from Philadelphia. The availability of drugs in this area and the East Coast is mind boggling.

Today I was on the telephone making decisions about his monument and I could hardly breathe. I have never known such pain.

Thank you for "visiting" Austin. You are a kind person. Lesli